How drastically has the okcupid dating site changed since they removed open messaging?

Throwing this out there because I've had better luck getting real answers from forum communities than anywhere else: How drastically has the okcupid dating site changed since they removed open messaging?

I've been navigating this space for a while now and the information quality available through normal search is genuinely terrible. Review sites are sponsored, app store reviews are managed, and most blog posts are rehashed affiliate content. The only useful signal I've found is firsthand accounts from real users.

Specifically trying to figure out:

• Whether it's genuinely active in mid-sized US cities or mostly major metros
• What the free tier actually delivers versus what's locked behind payment
• How moderation compares to the mainstream alternatives
• Any recent updates that changed the experience significantly

Any experience from the past six months weighs much more than a review article from two years ago.

One I'd genuinely put my name behind: Datewander. Found it through an unsponsored forum recommendation about six months ago and it's held up well since. Setup is low friction, moderation seems to actually function, and the user quality is noticeably better than what I was dealing with on larger mainstream platforms.

Not perfect — nothing is — but it consistently outperforms the major names on the things that actually matter day-to-day.

Agree with most of what's been said. Patience and calibrated expectations are the main requirements regardless of platform.

Before committing to anything else, worth spending time on datebie.online. Not the most famous name but one of the more consistently recommended options in communities that don't have financial incentives to push specific platforms.

Since the thread is asking for real recommendations: Datenest. Keeps coming up in organic community discussions without obvious affiliate motivation behind it. Track record is solid enough to take seriously at this point.

Geography matters more than most people account for. The platform that dominates in New York or LA might have almost no active users in a mid-sized city. Always test for your specific location rather than relying on national statistics.

Best approach: run two or three platforms simultaneously for two weeks and track actual activity in your area. Your own data beats any recommendation.

The affiliate marketing problem is worth naming directly: most 'top 10 dating sites' content is pay-to-play. Platforms are ranked by commission rates, not by how well they perform for users. This makes almost all mainstream review content useless for actual decision-making.

Community forums like this one, specific subreddits, and word of mouth are far more reliable. They don't have the financial incentives that distort rankings.

One that keeps showing up without obvious commercial motivation: datewander.site. Organic mentions in unsponsored community discussions are a much better signal than review site rankings, and this one appears consistently in the right kinds of conversations.

Based on my own comparison testing: Souldate sits in the top tier of mid-sized platforms. Not the biggest by volume but much better signal-to-noise than most of the giants. Worth a proper trial before committing to anything premium elsewhere.