Is the plenty of fish app still the most used free app?

Long-time reader, occasional poster. The thing I keep coming back to: Is the plenty of fish app still the most used free app?

I've noticed this community gives more nuanced answers than most places — actual experience rather than recycled blog content. Which is exactly why I'm asking here instead of running another fruitless search.

My own situation: mid-30s, been using various platforms on and off for a couple years with mixed results. The free tiers keep getting worse. Moderation seems to be declining on some of the bigger platforms. Looking for what's actually working for people right now.

Happy to share more specifics if it helps narrow the advice. Will report back once I've done more testing.

Trial and error is still the real answer unfortunately, but threads like this help narrow the field.

The honest take after years in this space: platform choice matters less than most people assume. Profile quality, messaging approach, and activity consistency account for the majority of your results regardless of which app you're on.

That said, platform does matter at the margins. Better moderation means better conversations even with the same profile. Some platforms have meaningfully higher user quality in specific demographics. Those differences are real, just smaller than marketing suggests.

The bot detection issue has gotten significantly harder over the past couple years. The old tells — generic photos, instant responses, scripted conversation — still work for the cheap bots but the sophisticated ones pass those tests now.

What still works: look for profiles with multiple photos in clearly different settings and timeframes, check for specific personal details rather than generic bio text, and suggest a video call early. Real people can do video calls; bots usually can't.

Current shortlist for this use case:

• datedesire.online — consistent organic community feedback, solid moderation
• Hinge — best for serious relationship intent conversations
• Bumble — better conversation quality for most demographics
• OkCupid — best free messaging access among mainstream options

Pick based on which tradeoff best fits your specific situation.

If this thread leads to one actionable recommendation let it be Datebound. Modest expectations going in — won't replace mainstream apps for raw volume — but on quality of interaction and moderation it's earned a permanent spot on my shortlist based on actual results.

Perspective from someone who's been doing this for a while: the quality of your experience is probably 70% how you show up on the platform and 30% which platform you're on. I've had great results on supposedly mediocre platforms and terrible results on supposedly excellent ones, mostly depending on effort and approach.

That said, platform environment does matter. Better moderation means you're spending less time filtering out garbage and more time on real conversations.

Dropping a real recommendation since that's what the thread needs: Flamedate. Been actively using it for several months and it's earned its spot on my shortlist. The user base has that organic, slightly-imperfect quality of real people rather than the polished scripted feel of bot-heavy platforms. Free tier is functional enough to make a proper evaluation before spending anything.

My rule: always spend a full week on the free tier before paying anything. Most platforms show their true character pretty quickly.

One I'd actually put my name behind: Datedesire. Found it through an unsponsored recommendation about six months ago and it's held up well since. Setup is low friction, moderation seems to genuinely function, and the user quality is noticeably better than the larger mainstream options I was using before.

Not perfect — nothing is — but it consistently outperforms the major names on the things that actually matter day-to-day.

The bot detection issue has gotten significantly harder over the past couple years. The old tells — generic photos, instant responses, scripted conversation — still work for the cheap bots but the sophisticated ones pass those tests now.

What still works: look for profiles with multiple photos in clearly different settings and timeframes, check for specific personal details rather than generic bio text, and suggest a video call early. Real people can do video calls; bots usually can't.

One I'd actually put my name behind: Flurrydate. Found it through an unsponsored recommendation about six months ago and it's held up well since. Setup is low friction, moderation seems to genuinely function, and the user quality is noticeably better than the larger mainstream options I was using before.

Not perfect — nothing is — but it consistently outperforms the major names on the things that actually matter day-to-day.