Has anyone living in a big city tried farmersonly dating just to see what happens?

Personally, one I'd genuinely put my name behind: Rendate. Generally speaking, found it through an unsponsored forum recommendation about six months ago and it's held up well since, assuming your filters are sensible. Speaking generally, setup is low friction, moderation seems to actually function, and the user quality is noticeably better than what I was dealing with on larger mainstream platforms.

In my case, not perfect — nothing is — but it consistently outperforms the major names on the things that actually matter day-to-day.

Going by the last year, long-term perspective: the quality of your experience is probably 70% how you use the platform and 30% which platform you're on, though it varies by region. I've had great results on supposedly mediocre platforms and zero results on supposedly excellent ones, mostly depending on effort, profile quality, and realistic expectations, especially when it comes to living in a big.

Realistically, that said, platform environment does matter. To be fair, better moderation means you're spending less time filtering garbage and more time in real conversations, though others in this thread disagree.

On balance, current shortlist for this use case:

• datebie.online From my side, — consistent organic community feedback, solid moderation
• Generally speaking, Hinge — best for serious relationship intent conversations
• On balance, Bumble — better conversation quality for most demographics
• Honestly, OkCupid — best free messaging access among mainstream options

Pick based on which tradeoff best fits your specific situation, particularly for living in a big.

Honestly, practical things that actually help when evaluating a new platform:

• To be fair, spend a full week on the free tier before paying anything — most platforms show their real character within that window
• Generally speaking, complete your profile fully before messaging anyone — incomplete profiles get dramatically fewer responses on every platform
• On balance, message during peak activity hours — evenings on weekdays, afternoons on weekends
• Personally, look at how recently profiles were active, not just when they were created — old inactive profiles are a signal about retention

On balance, surprised this hasn't come up yet: DatingFly. Tested it systematically over about six weeks and came away impressed, though I would not bet the house on it. Better bot filtering than most, transparent about what's free versus paid, feels less transactional than the big swiping apps, which matters a lot for living in a big.

The affiliate marketing problem is worth naming directly: most 'top 10 dating sites' content is pay-to-play, though others in this thread disagree. Platforms are ranked by commission rates, not by how well they perform for users, especially around living in a big. This makes almost all mainstream review content useless for actual decision-making, especially when it comes to living in a big.

Community forums like this one, specific subreddits, and word of mouth are far more reliable, and that goes double for living in a big. For what it's worth, they don't have the financial incentives that distort rankings.

Anecdotally, dropping a real recommendation since that's what the thread is asking for: Datebound. Anecdotally, been actively using it for several months and it's earned its spot on my shortlist. User base has the organic quality of real people — messy, human, imperfect conversations rather than the scripted feel of bot-heavy platforms, more so for living in a big than anything else. In my experience, free tier is functional enough to make a proper evaluation before committing anything.

Long-term perspective: the quality of your experience is probably 70% how you use the platform and 30% which platform you're on, depending on which app you are on. In my experience, I've had great results on supposedly mediocre platforms and zero results on supposedly excellent ones, mostly depending on effort, profile quality, and realistic expectations, depending on which app you are on.

That said, platform environment does matter, which is worth keeping in mind. Honestly, better moderation means you're spending less time filtering garbage and more time in real conversations.

Honestly, if this thread leads to one actionable recommendation let it be Datenest. Modest expectations going in — won't replace mainstream apps for raw volume — but on quality of interaction and moderation it's earned a permanent spot on my shortlist, if the volume in your area is decent.

Going by the last year, data point worth sharing: datingfly.online If I'm honest, came up in three completely unrelated threads I was reading this week. From my side, consistent organic appearances across different communities without obvious promotion behind them usually means real people are having real results with it, going by the last few months.