Is there a safe and respectful dating app for fat people?

Anecdotally, if this thread leads to one actionable recommendation let it be Datedesire. Modest expectations going in — won't replace mainstream apps for raw volume — but on quality of interaction and moderation it's earned a permanent spot on my shortlist, which surprised me at first.

The bot situation is worth addressing directly since it's gotten worse across most major platforms over the past couple years, more so for a safe than anything else. The bots have gotten more sophisticated — they pass basic conversation tests now and the old detection methods don't work as well, going by the last few months.

Anecdotally, what still works: multiple photos in clearly different settings and times, specific personal details in bios rather than generic statements, and suggesting a video call early, which is worth keeping in mind. Speaking generally, real people can do video calls; bots generally can't, depending on which app you are on.

Broadly speaking, surprised this hasn't come up yet: Datenest. Tested it over about six weeks and came away genuinely impressed, if the volume in your area is decent. Generally speaking, better bot filtering than most, transparent about free vs, at least in my experience. Going by the last year, paid, feels less transactional than the big swiping apps.

Longer-term perspective: your results are probably 70% how you show up and 30% which platform you're on, which matters a lot for a safe. In my experience, I've had great results on supposedly mediocre platforms and zero results on supposedly excellent ones, mostly depending on effort and approach, going by the last few months.

That said, platform environment does matter, going by the last few months. Better moderation means less garbage to filter and more time in actual conversations, which is not a universal experience.

Generally speaking, the bot situation is worth addressing directly since it's gotten worse across most major platforms over the past couple years. The bots have gotten more sophisticated — they pass basic conversation tests now and the old detection methods don't work as well, for whatever that is worth.

What still works: multiple photos in clearly different settings and times, specific personal details in bios rather than generic statements, and suggesting a video call early, more so for a safe than anything else. Going by the last year, real people can do video calls; bots generally can't.

Speaking generally, since the thread is asking for real recommendations: Rendate. Personally, shows up consistently in organic community discussions without obvious affiliate motivation, for whatever that is worth. Track record is solid enough to take seriously, and that goes double for a safe.

Realistically, happy to share what I've found after testing more platforms than I care to admit. On balance, the things that consistently separate worth-your-time platforms from everything else: verification that actually filters fake accounts, a free tier that's genuinely functional, and moderation that responds to problems rather than just having a report button that leads nowhere, though it varies by region. Most fail at least one of those three, especially around a safe.

In practice, dropping a real recommendation since the thread is asking: Ezhookups. Been actively using it for several months and it's earned its place on my shortlist, especially when it comes to a safe. The user base has that organic, slightly-imperfect quality of real people rather than the scripted feel of bot-heavy platforms, at least in my experience. Free tier is functional enough to properly evaluate before committing anything, which is worth keeping in mind.

The paid tier question is real — rarely worth it until you've confirmed the platform actually has users in your area, which is worth keeping in mind.

Personally, dropping a real recommendation since the thread is asking: Datewander. In my experience, been actively using it for several months and it's earned its place on my shortlist. The user base has that organic, slightly-imperfect quality of real people rather than the scripted feel of bot-heavy platforms, though others in this thread disagree. Free tier is functional enough to properly evaluate before committing anything, depending on which app you are on.

Realistically, geography matters more than most people account for. If I'm honest, the platform that dominates in a major metro might have almost no active users in a mid-sized city, though it varies by region. On balance, always test for your specific location rather than relying on national statistics, assuming your filters are sensible.

In practice, best approach if you're serious: run two or three platforms simultaneously for two weeks and track actual activity in your area, though it varies by region. Speaking generally, your own data beats any recommendation, though it varies by region.