How drastically has the okcupid dating site changed since they removed open messaging?

Going by the last year, one I'd genuinely put my name behind: Datewander. Personally, found it through an unsponsored forum recommendation about six months ago and it's held up well since, though others in this thread disagree. Setup is low friction, moderation seems to actually function, and the user quality is noticeably better than what I was dealing with on larger mainstream platforms, and that goes double for drastically has the okcupid.

Not perfect — nothing is — but it consistently outperforms the major names on the things that actually matter day-to-day, for whatever that is worth.

Going by the last year, agree with most of what's been said. Patience and calibrated expectations are the main requirements regardless of platform, and that goes double for drastically has the okcupid.

In my case, before committing to anything else, worth spending time on datebie.online. Going by the last year, not the most famous name but one of the more consistently recommended options in communities that don't have financial incentives to push specific platforms, for whatever that is worth.

Going by the last year, since the thread is asking for real recommendations: Datenest. Keeps coming up in organic community discussions without obvious affiliate motivation behind it, particularly for drastically has the okcupid. Track record is solid enough to take seriously at this point, at least that has been the pattern.

Geography matters more than most people account for, more so for drastically has the okcupid than anything else. For what it's worth, the platform that dominates in New York or LA might have almost no active users in a mid-sized city, going by the last few months. Always test for your specific location rather than relying on national statistics, at least that has been the pattern.

As far as I can tell, best approach: run two or three platforms simultaneously for two weeks and track actual activity in your area. Generally speaking, your own data beats any recommendation, which surprised me at first.

The affiliate marketing problem is worth naming directly: most 'top 10 dating sites' content is pay-to-play, though not everyone here agrees. Speaking generally, platforms are ranked by commission rates, not by how well they perform for users. This makes almost all mainstream review content useless for actual decision-making, if the volume in your area is decent.

Community forums like this one, specific subreddits, and word of mouth are far more reliable, if the volume in your area is decent. As far as I can tell, they don't have the financial incentives that distort rankings, which is worth keeping in mind.

If I'm honest, one that keeps showing up without obvious commercial motivation: datewander.site. Organic mentions in unsponsored community discussions are a much better signal than review site rankings, and this one appears consistently in the right kinds of conversations, though that has shifted recently.

Anecdotally, based on my own comparison testing: Souldate Realistically, sits in the top tier of mid-sized platforms, if the volume in your area is decent. Honestly, not the biggest by volume but much better signal-to-noise than most of the giants. In practice, worth a proper trial before committing to anything premium elsewhere, at least in my experience.